1. |
Dig That Junk
01:46
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Ladies be lookin' at me with pleasure,
Dreamin' their dreams of buried treasure.
Well, it's a brand new depth
To which I've sunk,
Just walkin' down the street,
Swingin' my junk.
I'm swingin' it.
Dig that junk.
I don't wear slacks, but I ain't no slacker,
I just like a tan on my tallywhacker.
Some of those ladies might find it shocking,
I just smile and tell 'em,
"Baby, keep on walking...
I'm swingin' my junk."
Dig that junk.
I got nothing to hide,
Wanna go for a ride?
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2. |
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I'm gettin' busy with the bunnies, just like a rabbit,
They see what I'm packin' and they all want to grab it.
They wonder what kinda world I must inhabit.
You're wishin' you could be like me,
But in your wildest fantasy,
You gotta know you'll never be
A king shit underwear model.
Boxers or briefs, I don't have a preference,
I check the Sears catalogue, but only for reference.
I know I got you in a trance,
Doin' my Boy Wonder stance.
Inhibitions? Not a chance,
I'm working in my underpants.
I've got a body like a coverboy, no sign of a paunch,
I'm struttin' like a loverboy, ready to launch,
I do it like no other boy, I'm rockin' the gaunch,
Yeah, I'm rockin' it,
I put a sock in it.
You might think I'm relaxing,
But actually it's physically and mentally taxing;
I had to get up early for a full-body waxing.
I'm smoothin' on the moisturizer;
Sweatin' on my exerciser;
I can't believe how firm my thighs are.
I'll just have an appetizer.
King shit underwear model
Well, I was cruising on my Vespa, I call her my sled,
I crashed it in the bike lane, I could'a been dead.
Lucky for me, I just hit my head.
I got some bruises but I'm mending,
Good thing S&M is trending.
I know I'm giving you chills,
You better believe it, baby I got the skills.
I make it look easy staring off at the hills,
One foot on a plastic boulder,
Backpack slung across my shoulder.
The key light makes my blue eyes smolder.
Do these briefs make me look older?
My dad calls my career choice somewhat regrettable.
I may not wear a suit, but, baby, I'm a professional.
This occupation's credible,
The money is respectable;
They put me on a pedestal,
Or layin' on a sectional.
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3. |
Hobo Overthrow
02:28
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Their pants are baggy, their shirts are raggy,
Their feet are draggin', their hair is shaggy.
They're on the march with their shopping carts,
Eyes on the prize and hands on their hearts.
And with unshaven determination,
It's a demonstration of desperation;
A confrontation with the corporation,
The proclamation - of a hobo nation!
They're dumpster diving for their daily bread,
They're overlooked and underfed.
They're left with less as their numbers grow.
They've had enough of the status quo.
There's an economic inequality,
That benefits the small minority,
But, there's something coming that they didn't see...
Hut, 2, 3, 4, bleed the rich to feed the poor.
Oh no, it's a hobo overthrow!
They're tired of wakin' up in the snow,
In the shadow of a hedge while the cold winds blow,
But they've got no other place to go.
Hungry and cold is hard on your mojo.
So, the show's a go; they know the foe,
And it's time to pay back what you owe.
They found a lawyer who works pro bono.
Say hello to the hobo overthrow.
The face of the nation needs a makeover,
Prepare yourself for a hostile takeover.
They're just lookin' for enough to pay the rent;
Gonna put a little dent in the one percent.
Hobo overthrow
It's time the binners became the winners.
Hobo overthrow
It's time the riff raff got the last laugh.
So snort your blow, and drink your bordeaux,
But I suggest you board up that chateau,
Yeah, you better lay low and hide your dough, bro,
'Cause it's a hobo overthrow...
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4. |
Unsound
02:33
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I can't sleep; I keep repeating this beat in my head.
I'm so weak; can't hardly pick myself up off of this bed.
I retreat when friends come around;
I can't eat, since you put me down.
My feet are draggin' on the ground;
I'm unsound.
I'm beat, it's like I'm coming unwound.
I can't keep my medicine down.
I'm hearing things that aren't around;
I'm unsound.
It's unreal, I can't remember ever giving a damn,
And I feel a deep aversion to this person I am.
I'm unsound
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5. |
Slap the Mandrill
01:59
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When rush hour traffic is at a standstill,
And all your little problems seem substantial,
Your heart is low; down in the landfill;
You're living life like a bad example.
It's time to slap the mandrill.
Your dog keeps chewing on your sandal,
And your girlfriend's flying off the handle,
I guess you never should have changed the channel.
Get up and slap the mandrill.
pat the panda
spank the camel
ram the llama
and slap the mandrill.
You're popping Advil by the handful,
Seems like your only friend is Jack Daniel.
Before you choose to end the battle,
Before you lose again, press cancel.
And light a candle upon the mantle,
Then remember to be thankful -
That you can slap the mandrill.
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6. |
Wake Me When I'm Nude
02:16
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I'm praying that these words I'm saying, baby,
Won't be misconstrued,
But please do me a favour
And wake me when I'm nude.
I work so hard, from dawn 'til dark,
Now, I really must retire,
But, it won't take much of your tender touch,
To chase away the darkness,
And awaken my fire.
'Cause even when I'm fast asleep,
I'm always in the mood,
So baby, don't forget
To wake me when I'm nude.
Unlike my grandma, I don't need pajamas,
To maintain my body heat,
And unlike my grandpa, I got plenty of stamina,
Even when I ought to be beat.
You're worried it's late, but don't hesitate,
No really, go ahead and turn down the sheet,
I promise I can fall back to sleep.
Girl, you are the only woman
Who can make my dreams come true,
So please, if it's not too much trouble,
Wake me when I'm nude.
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7. |
Metric V-Groove Flipside
01:31
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(instrumental)
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8. |
Ever So Never
03:12
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Wherever, whenever,
I'll wait forever.
She's "Yeah, whatever."
That girl is ever so never.
You know, I feel as though I have loved her so, from the very moment of my birth.
But she says she hates me / and she would never date me / if I was the last man alive on the face of the earth.
She tells me that my chances are non-existent,
But that's not gonna deter me 'cause I'm very persistent.
I'll grasp at any straw any crack or flaw / in her resolve,
Any chance at all to solve
This enigmatic puzzle that is her heart;
To finally find the crucial missing part
That makes it all come together.
She swears it's not gonna happen; she's ever so never.
She keeps looking around, and checking her phone
It's like she'd rather I just got up and left her alone.
She's probably tired, or maybe just not that clever;
I've corrected her twice, she still keeps calling me Trevor.
She just can't seem to remember;
She's ever so never.
She said there must be fifty ways that I could love my lever.
Sounds a little high; I'm not gonna lie, I can't quite believe her.
And it's probably not a big deal, but I'm pretty sure that it's lever.
Why can't she get it together?
She's ever so never.
She thinks that she can do better.
And now the light in the tunnel is fading to black,
I cry, "I'll never forget you."
She answers, "Are you on crack?"
Ooh, I'll never let her go...
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9. |
Freak Street
02:51
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Sally's in the alley, she's looking dangerous sweet,
The ships are in the harbour, it's time to greet the fleet.
And every trick is gonna find his treat on Freak Street.
The sidewalk's hot and the Big Fella's starting to reek,
He hasn't seen a bar of soap in over a week.
And Four-finger Frankie is sitting beating his meat,
Granny caught a glimpse and now she's white as a sheet.
Walking on Freak Street,
Down where all the freaks meet,
After 5:00 is when it comes alive on Freak Street.
Sammy's in his jammies, he wears them night and day,
He's having a chat with his sister's cat, although it doesn't have much to say.
Marguerite runs a small boutique with a grow-op 'round the back,
She hands out pinners to all the binners down by the railroad track.
And that guy in a suit with a briefcase, just kinda lookin' around,
Musta took a wrong turn someplace, when he was heading uptown.
I see a post-apocalyptic poster boy with hopeless in his eyes,
Had to choose between shoes and booze; well, his choice was no surprise.
You can read the clues in his tattoos to see he's on a losing streak,
And on the evening news you're gonna catch him paying his dues,
Down on Freak Street.
Drifters, grifters, thrift store sifters,
Street church preachers spouting scriptures,
Soaring psychedelic sisters, and Tom the Creeper is taking pictures.
Old Mr. Grimshaw is telling tales to anybody who'll listen,
And Tony Pepperoni's tryin' to sell that wristwatch you've been missin'.
Little Jimmy T is blowing the score on his saxophone;
It's kinda like a late night movie that you don't want to watch alone.
Freak Street's where the freaky people feel right at home.
Walk down the street, you might think things are bleak -
It's a bit offbeat, but the rhythm is unique,
And everybody is dancing freak to freak.
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10. |
Such Tasty Tears
02:16
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I'm good without the explanations,
I had my doubts; my reservations.
I guess I saw the walls were crumbling,
As if it all was missing something.
And when she came to cry on my shoulder,
Despite the pain I was glad it was over.
I told myself I didn't know her,
Just trying to find some kind of closure.
Now, the empty space has reappeared,
I crack myself another beer,
And settle in to face my fears,
And cry such tasty tears.
If holding her was holding me back,
Then why does it feel like it's fading to black?
I know now what melancholy means;
And I cry for what could have been.
As I peel away love's thin veneer,
And clear away the souvenirs
Of us, and all those wasted years,
I cry such tasty tears.
The kind I don't mind crying.
The truth I've been denying.
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11. |
Underkill
02:16
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Your friends told you that I was alright, (misdirected)
You might have caught me on a bad night (unexpected)
You said I wasn't really your type. (disrespected)
Well, If you need to leave, then go ahead and do what you will,
'Cause I know I'm underkill.
I did my best to impress your folks (showed up sober)
I told them all my favourite jokes (mediocre)
I brought your dad a carton of smokes (he's not a smoker)
If lightning doesn't kill me I'm afraid the thunder will,
I'm hoping; barely coping as I pop another pill,
I found a steady job workin' down at the lumber mill,
Just two days a week. It's underkill.
I empathize with your reservations,
I realize I'm less than expectations,
And I've analyzed all the implications,
I understand I'm unrefined, so don't remind me.
You laughed until
I broke your will,
And broke all of those wishbones on your windowsill.
You're gettin' used to underkill.
I won't get my hopes up, I know the drill
You got your scopes up for underkill.
You're stringing those ropes up; it's giving me chills,
I'm betting it's upsetting, regretting never getting your fill.
You told me it was over, but you've got my number still,
You call me up to tell me that you're feelin' wonderful,
But something in your voice is tellin' me you hunger still,
For that humble thrill of underkill.
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12. |
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Bought myself a shovel, it was a piece of crap
The first time I used the thing the handle snapped
I took it back and threw it down on the floor, and said,
"You got no right to call this place a hardware store."
I guess it all comes down to what we'll settle for,
I'm feelin' sore, 'cuz nuthin's made of metal anymore.
Went to grab some dinner at the Silver Lining
Cutlery was plastic - real fine dining.
The chef was using teflon to fry my hash.
Got up and paid the check with my plastic cash.
Jumped into my car and put the pedal to the fiberglass floor.
I know the score, nuthin's made of metal anymore.
No iron or steel,
chromium or platinum,
zinc or gold,
copper or titanium,
lead or tin,
nickel or magnesium,
brass or bronze,
silver or aluminum.
Radio was blastin', had to turn it off,
Couldn't find no metal; even rock's gone soft.
I tried every button on the channel selector,
It's drivin' me mad, I need a metal detector.
I've got nerves of steel, but I need a new metaphor,
I can't ignore it, nuthin's made of metal anymore.
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13. |
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Hot and steamy
Sweet and creamy
Gimme, gimme, gimme...
Throw it in a pan
Stir it around
Warm it up
And then scarf it down.
Cream corn
Gotta get it.
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14. |
She's Action
02:22
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She's director's cut,
She's got the special features,
Like the mini-doc
On how they made the creatures.
She's the courtside seats,
I'm sittin' on the bleachers.
She's the Hallelujah
To the old-time preachers.
She's the winning goal,
In the final minute.
She's the chocolate donut,
With the jelly in it.
She's off the grid
And self-sufficient,
She's solar-powered,
With no emissions.
She's a jumpin' track,
With a bumpin' lyric.
She's 100 points
On the metacritic.
She's Olympic gold,
And a Nobel Prize.
Yeah, she's all of that and a side of fries.
She's a trend that's got some traction.
She's a thermonuclear reaction.
She's action!
She's a trip to Mars
In a Lamborghini,
With some caviar,
And a dry martini.
She's a killer app,
With the latest upgrade.
She's the apple pie,
That you know is homemade.
She's a perfect score
On the SAT.
She's a welcome shore,
When I'm lost at sea.
And she's a little more
Than I thought she'd be...
She's the final act, she's the main attraction;
Gives the Rolling Stones a little satisfaction.
She's action!
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15. |
Ashtray Hearts
03:21
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We feel the burn
In little flashes,
Then watch it turn,
Turn into ashes.
There's smoke upon the waters that we sailed,
It chokes the breath of hope we once inhaled.
Love lost its glow
As we grew older
You'd never know
It used to smolder.
That racing pulse that neither one remembers,
We're two adults, left looking at the embers.
I light a cigarette and try to forget
this ocean of regret;
The failed bets and veiled threats;
The emotional debts;
And from the moment that we met,
Giving only what we'd get...
It's still so hard to tell apart
The diamonds from the darts
That fill our ashtray hearts.
We pack our bags with our fears and doubts;
Plant our white flags to see what sprouts.
I take one last drag, then I crush it out.
It's always tempting to try repenting
The words we thought we meant at twenty;
That seemed so heavy, now just seem petty.
I guess it's true, we just weren't ready.
Perhaps it's time our ashtray hearts were emptied.
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Shecky Victoria, British Columbia
We make music to entertain ourselves, and hopefully you, too. Crank it, and thanks for listening!
Send us an email - we'd love to hear from you! (Click 'Contact Shecky' below).
- Shecky
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